Natsue tells me that I've started to gain weight. She pushes a fork into the side of my stomach.

I look at her with a crumpled face, but she's looking at a passing bus outside the window. "That hurts," I finally say.

"I know," she says, retracting her fork. "Is there something you're not telling me?"

"What do you mean?"

"There are secrets in your Buddha belly," she says, pushing her fork again into the side of my stomach. "Dark secrets. Things you won't share with your beloved sister." She takes her fork back and stabs her salad. "I'm tired of all this weird dialogue. Are we going to have sex tonight or what?"

"Wha--"

Natsue laughs and quickly grabs my hand. She strokes it with a fake nail. "Settle down big brother, I just wanted to rile you up a bit. You really are troubled."

"You're the one who's troubled."

"Since when did you start putting on the all that extra meat?"

"I don't know. It increased exponentially."

Natsue tells me that I'd make for a great curry. She cuts my body up into imaginary cubes of meat with her squinted eyes waving a butterknife around me. No one in the restaurant is particularly concerned at what she's doing, even though she's caused several pieces of silverware to fall to the ground.

"Watch your breasts. You're knocking things over."

"Minor sacrifices. You can pay for the damages."

I exhale deeply and recline in my chair. Natsue touches the tip of her butter knife to the tip of my nose. "What else?"

"I don't know. It just happened I guess. It's not like I woke up and I gained twenty pounds on my stomach."

"Why not?"

"But I haven't changed my eating habits at all."

"Exercise?"

"I don't think that has anything to do with it. My lifestyle hasn't dramatically changed over the last two weeks."

"Yes, I know. Boring as usual. Maybe that's it."

"What's it?"

"Maybe your body is so bored it just gave you an extra twenty pounds on your stomach so you'd get up and do something different with your life."

"That's ridiculous."

"Don't rule it out."

She gets out of her seat and kneels at my side, putting her head on my stomach.

"Should I go to a doctor? This can't be natural."

Her eyes are closed and she pets my stomach. "They'd probably just laugh at you. Then hand you a bunch of weight loss drugs. Stop being so paranoid. Your body's probably just going through an emotional phase right now. Take good care of her. Stroke your belly, tell her you love her. Like this. Maybe you'll turn into a butterfly."

"You're crazy."

"Maybe you sleepwalk and drink lots of beer at night."

"I don't have any beer."

"Maybe you raid your neighbours refrigerators."

"Maybe it'll just go away on its own."

"I hope not. It'd be amazing if I came over and found that you'd exploded all over your apartment. I'd get to attend my first funeral."

"What are you listening for?"

"Shhh," she makes a face as if she's just discovered something. "I think you should see a doctor."

"What's this all of a sudden?"

"No questions," her face is serious now. "Just do it."

"Ok. After our lunch."

All of a sudden Natsue's friend, Kira, is standing by our table.

"Is there something wrong with his stomach?" She kneels down on the opposite side of Natsue and puts her head on my stomach. She, too, begins to pet it. "Oh, you should see a doctor."

"Yes, I know. What are you doing here?"

"I saw you through the window. Just wanted to say "Hi". Do you like my new shoes?" She puts her legs over my legs, waving her feet, brushing my penis a little.

"They're so beautiful!" Natsue gasps. "Look, I got my nails done today." She puts both her arms over my legs, and rotates her wrists, pushing Kira's legs further onto my penis.

I call for the cheque and try to think about vast, exotic landscapes, action sequences from kung fu movies, and rabbits frolicking golden fields.